And I want another one???

My first shot as a step mother of a teenager sucks. I mean, I want to cry. Pretty much every day. I know it's not all my fault... her mother and father are a piece of WORK!

Since high school started last year, it's been like a really bad version of The Breakfast Club starring G, but she's ALL the characters. I mean seriously. It's like the schizophrenic version! One minute she's the prissy, wannabe cheerleader who has a thing for the bad boy, the next she's the little introvert who doodles and wears enough black makeup to keeps the raccoons guessing if they are related or not. I suppose that's what freshman year is about. Figuring out what role of crazy you want to be in the play called high school. In middle school she started to go to the bad place. Getting in trouble here and there, not being where she said she was... typical teenager style. No biggie. We crossed our fingers and prayed that it could only get better. Oh my word, we were so horribly wrong. The beginning of freshman year, she got her first actual boyfriend and all the baggage and bullshit that came with him. The evil boy. God that evil boy!

(My parents are reading this laughing their heads off and shaking their fingers saying "Karma's a bitch Aud!")

Then after six months and the world's longest headache, the break up came. OH happy day! The evil boy was gone! YAY!!!! And no no no NO more boys! YAY! Can we focus on school now and be happy again? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why would we make Audra's life easy? Why would we try to avoid adding to the gray hairs on poor D's head. (They are multiplying at an alarming pace!) SLEEPING in class, texting 300 plus messages every day all day, back talking, swearing like a truck driver, oh oh yeah... it's that headache again.

Finally about three weeks left of school she got her crap together. Got a summer job lifeguarding, talked us out of going to summer school, and genuinely started to seem like she was getting it together. Great attitude, pumped about sophomore year, just happy go lucky. Ahhhhh. Sigh of relief... oh no wait... just kidding! Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.... let me just go buy an alarm for the side fence, oh and for her window, and the sliding door, and pretty much let me just Guantanamo the entire house so there won't be any sneaking out with 18 year olds EVER AGAIN. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

So we're back to basics. No phone calls, no computer, no life except for work, oh and if she ever thinks she'll be able to talk us out of going to summer school again, she is seriously delusional. I do not want sophomore year to be another headache. I should maybe consider taking stock in motrin and advil for the headaches.

Give the kid an inch, and she just steals the ruler.

I just want one boy! Please! So that I can just see the other side of the spectrum and prove to my husband that boys are a PITA just like girls!