One left

I have one left.  ONE.  One little person permanently at home with me, for now.  Av started pre school today.  I don't even know how it happened.  Seriously.  She turns four next month and I think so far, her aging has been the quickest for me.  And I think it's because I've been home the entire time she's been alive, and even before she was actually physically out of my body ALIVE.  I got laid off in July 4 years ago, and she was born that October.  So, for me this was a hard one to swallow.  I got to be there when Iz started school. But I missed a lot of the first 3 years of her life because I worked.  And daddy did everything with her.  So much that I can't even remember what she was like the first 3 years.  And I HATE that.  But I remember every tiny remotely insignificant thing about Avery since the day she was born.  So dropping her off at school today, and her nudging me toward the door, was no surprise.  Her not crying at all, not even looking back, no surprise.  And I died a little inside.  Because my middle baby just left me!  And then after I died a little, I was so proud.  Because she is such an amazing little girl.  So loving, so independent, soooo sweet and so great with a tiny bit of fire in her.  She may look just like me, but she has the most amazingly wonderful heart like her daddy.  She loves talking to people, is not shy, is so charismatic.  Just such a sweet kid.

And now 5 days a week, I have a kid that I don't see from 8:40-3:05.  And then 2 days a week, my Av goes to school from 9-11:30.  Next year, she'll be in school until 1.  Bittersweet is putting it mildly.  I've got my Tabby here for another year or so, and then she's off to preschool.  This is a clear indication that I AM GETTING OLD AND MY KIDS ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME ONE DAY.

And I just died a little more inside...