Sometimes I really want to shake my child and yell: YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!!!!!
But that would be wrong... right?!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
November...
Watching our friends, and family members go through tumultuous relationships, and ultimately get divorced I think has actually made us work harder at our relationship. Not because we don't want to end up like them, but well, yes! Because we don't want to end up like them! Everyone thinks that marriage is easy and you just sit back and pick your nose and if it works then it works. It's just not true. It's sometimes nasty knock down drag out fights, cries, screams, time alone, talking, lots of talking, and working on ourselves and our relationship. It's just not that we got lucky. Seriously. It's that we give a shit. Because when you don't give a shit, you get just that; shit.
I'm trying to figure out what to do for our anniversary. We trade off years so that we both get a chance to plan our anniversaries. It's fun. I learned that little tid bit from my parents. We like to take a little time to ourselves, nothing big. Although D would probably like to go a way for more than 2 nights without the kids. I can't do that yet. I'm a big weenie. So it'll be something... I've got a little something up my sleeve. And, it's the day before Thanksgiving so we'll be going early.
But I think I'll try to make this a month long celebration. Because really, we are amazing. And I love love love that husband of mine. I am a lucky girl. I can't wait for another 9 years of bliss, and then one day we'll look back and it'll be 59 years of bliss. Happy!!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Coming along...
Exciting things are happening with mommy in the next couple months! I'm well on my way into developing a business plan, and setting the wheels in motion! So exciting!!
Trying to get so much squared away, it's crazy how much you have to do to get a business license. Plus we have 50 million things going on this month. I am guessing I will have everything smooth and ready January 1. And this time, there is NO backing down. I am making a promise to myself that I WILL get my business license, I will get my training done, and I WILL get my business off the ground in 2012. There's no time like the present and the present is NOW!
I had the best wedding last weekend, and it really made me realize, that now the kids are capable of hanging with daddy for a night so that mommy can work and do something she loves! They survived, daddy survived, and mommy didn't feel too guilty. And that was amazing. And I got some fantastic referrals!
Go me!
Trying to get so much squared away, it's crazy how much you have to do to get a business license. Plus we have 50 million things going on this month. I am guessing I will have everything smooth and ready January 1. And this time, there is NO backing down. I am making a promise to myself that I WILL get my business license, I will get my training done, and I WILL get my business off the ground in 2012. There's no time like the present and the present is NOW!
I had the best wedding last weekend, and it really made me realize, that now the kids are capable of hanging with daddy for a night so that mommy can work and do something she loves! They survived, daddy survived, and mommy didn't feel too guilty. And that was amazing. And I got some fantastic referrals!
Go me!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
10 years...
10 years ago tomorrow. You know what I was doing?
At 6AM I woke up with my hubby (then boyfriend) , watched him put on his Cal Fire uniform, drove him over to his grandparents house to borrow a car while his was in the shop, kissed him goodbye, drove back home and turned on Good Morning America. And pretty much after that... my life and every single American's lives were changed forever.
I never got up before 6:30am. EVER. So it was odd that I was wide awake and watching the news. We had heard some scuttle on the radio in the short car ride to D's grandparents, but we weren't sure what was going on so dismissed it pretty quickly. We had no idea what was unfolding 3 hours ahead of us in New York. I sat there and watched the first tower burn and thought, man that's a nasty fire. That just doesn't seem right. No one even mentioned "terrorists." It wasn't a word that was used very often 10 years ago. And then as I watched the live feed, a crazy feeling came over me, as I watched a plane turn right, cock it's wings so that it was sideways, and ram right into tower 2. I can still feel myself watching it like it just happened. And I sat there. And sat a little more. And then I realized that MY DAD was in Chicago in the Sears Tower and Oh my God they just blew up the Pentagon, and Oh my God another plane just crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.
I called my mom who was still sleeping and told her to call my dad and get him the hell out of there! Luckily he was already being evacuated.
And why the world was changing, and people were watching in complete horror, you know what my husband was doing? He was going to work. He was listening on the radio, driving his hour and half commute, in his uniform, and he kept driving. And he drove to work, and he stayed there. For four days he stayed there. He stayed even though 343 firefighters died that day. He stayed as EMS and Police and human life died that day. And 10 years later, you know where he is? He's in a different uniform, but he's still there. And to me, that makes him the bravest person on my earth. Because he stayed. He knew his fate. After 9/11 I saw a light in his eye that I had never seen before and I knew his destiny was clear. And I could not be more proud of the man I call my husband.
I am a proud wife of a firefighter/EMS provider. And I grieve every day for those who lost a loved one on 9/11. But I am so grateful for those brave men and women who helped so many escape. Those who like my husband, did not run, but they stayed. Just as I know my husband would have if he had been there.
At 6AM I woke up with my hubby (then boyfriend) , watched him put on his Cal Fire uniform, drove him over to his grandparents house to borrow a car while his was in the shop, kissed him goodbye, drove back home and turned on Good Morning America. And pretty much after that... my life and every single American's lives were changed forever.
I never got up before 6:30am. EVER. So it was odd that I was wide awake and watching the news. We had heard some scuttle on the radio in the short car ride to D's grandparents, but we weren't sure what was going on so dismissed it pretty quickly. We had no idea what was unfolding 3 hours ahead of us in New York. I sat there and watched the first tower burn and thought, man that's a nasty fire. That just doesn't seem right. No one even mentioned "terrorists." It wasn't a word that was used very often 10 years ago. And then as I watched the live feed, a crazy feeling came over me, as I watched a plane turn right, cock it's wings so that it was sideways, and ram right into tower 2. I can still feel myself watching it like it just happened. And I sat there. And sat a little more. And then I realized that MY DAD was in Chicago in the Sears Tower and Oh my God they just blew up the Pentagon, and Oh my God another plane just crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.
I called my mom who was still sleeping and told her to call my dad and get him the hell out of there! Luckily he was already being evacuated.
And why the world was changing, and people were watching in complete horror, you know what my husband was doing? He was going to work. He was listening on the radio, driving his hour and half commute, in his uniform, and he kept driving. And he drove to work, and he stayed there. For four days he stayed there. He stayed even though 343 firefighters died that day. He stayed as EMS and Police and human life died that day. And 10 years later, you know where he is? He's in a different uniform, but he's still there. And to me, that makes him the bravest person on my earth. Because he stayed. He knew his fate. After 9/11 I saw a light in his eye that I had never seen before and I knew his destiny was clear. And I could not be more proud of the man I call my husband.
I am a proud wife of a firefighter/EMS provider. And I grieve every day for those who lost a loved one on 9/11. But I am so grateful for those brave men and women who helped so many escape. Those who like my husband, did not run, but they stayed. Just as I know my husband would have if he had been there.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
One left
I have one left. ONE. One little person permanently at home with me, for now. Av started pre school today. I don't even know how it happened. Seriously. She turns four next month and I think so far, her aging has been the quickest for me. And I think it's because I've been home the entire time she's been alive, and even before she was actually physically out of my body ALIVE. I got laid off in July 4 years ago, and she was born that October. So, for me this was a hard one to swallow. I got to be there when Iz started school. But I missed a lot of the first 3 years of her life because I worked. And daddy did everything with her. So much that I can't even remember what she was like the first 3 years. And I HATE that. But I remember every tiny remotely insignificant thing about Avery since the day she was born. So dropping her off at school today, and her nudging me toward the door, was no surprise. Her not crying at all, not even looking back, no surprise. And I died a little inside. Because my middle baby just left me! And then after I died a little, I was so proud. Because she is such an amazing little girl. So loving, so independent, soooo sweet and so great with a tiny bit of fire in her. She may look just like me, but she has the most amazingly wonderful heart like her daddy. She loves talking to people, is not shy, is so charismatic. Just such a sweet kid.
And now 5 days a week, I have a kid that I don't see from 8:40-3:05. And then 2 days a week, my Av goes to school from 9-11:30. Next year, she'll be in school until 1. Bittersweet is putting it mildly. I've got my Tabby here for another year or so, and then she's off to preschool. This is a clear indication that I AM GETTING OLD AND MY KIDS ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME ONE DAY.
And I just died a little more inside...
And now 5 days a week, I have a kid that I don't see from 8:40-3:05. And then 2 days a week, my Av goes to school from 9-11:30. Next year, she'll be in school until 1. Bittersweet is putting it mildly. I've got my Tabby here for another year or so, and then she's off to preschool. This is a clear indication that I AM GETTING OLD AND MY KIDS ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME ONE DAY.
And I just died a little more inside...
Friday, July 1, 2011
I sometimes freak out...
Sometimes when I get certain cravings I freak out. Like today, when I had a sudden major craving for vegetable Lumpia from this place in town, I immediately was all: Holy crap self! How could you be pregnant?!? And then I realized... duh. Aint possible. And THANK GOD.
Three kids is enough. Seriously. Even having that 4th stray step is enough to pull my hair out of my legs for a fun time. It's painful, but way less irritating and nauseating sometimes!
And then add to that there is always a stray child, a niece a nephew, a friend, a play date... etc. Annnnnd there's those leg hairs again. Yep, still more fun. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I'd do anything for them, and I love my nieces and nephews but duuuuuuuuuuuuude, mama needs more than a 2 hour nap to calm the nerves. I think this whole not being at school summer crap is getting under my skin, and you know that sad part? It's only been like 2 weeks! No! It can't be! Seriously. Year round schools. Let's do this State of California!
It's not just me either, it's the kids. They are lost without structure. They don't know what to do with themselves just sitting around all day, PLAYING AND HAVING FUN! That is so not cool! We want school back!
I do. So bad. Too bad we have like 9 weeks left. (Insert BIG sigh)
Three kids is enough. Seriously. Even having that 4th stray step is enough to pull my hair out of my legs for a fun time. It's painful, but way less irritating and nauseating sometimes!
And then add to that there is always a stray child, a niece a nephew, a friend, a play date... etc. Annnnnd there's those leg hairs again. Yep, still more fun. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I'd do anything for them, and I love my nieces and nephews but duuuuuuuuuuuuude, mama needs more than a 2 hour nap to calm the nerves. I think this whole not being at school summer crap is getting under my skin, and you know that sad part? It's only been like 2 weeks! No! It can't be! Seriously. Year round schools. Let's do this State of California!
It's not just me either, it's the kids. They are lost without structure. They don't know what to do with themselves just sitting around all day, PLAYING AND HAVING FUN! That is so not cool! We want school back!
I do. So bad. Too bad we have like 9 weeks left. (Insert BIG sigh)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
This stuff shakes my core...
I'll admit, I'm a total fraidy-cat. I was NEVER EVER EVER afraid of anything before D got hired as a firefighter. It brought out every anxiety driven painful awful gut wrenching fear in my gut that I never even knew I had. I will no longer fly because I'm so afraid that I might die, and then the girls will be left with daddy, and WHAT IF HE DIES?!?! I'm pretty sure there's a pill for this (enter Prozac) but I'm trying to figure out how to overcome it without the happy pills.
And then there's days like these, where all my fears push and pull and tear at my heart and my soul and reaffirm my anxiety. And it sucks.
There are no words to describe the pain that I feel for this family that lost their brother today. No words. The family at SFFD, and the firefighter's family. An awful tragedy. Awful.
Rest In Peace Brother.
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