I was talking to my sister the other day about this boy she'd been dating. Lets just say it's past tense now and the boy is pretty bitchy about it. Like, girly bitchy. No offense girls, but you know how we are when we've been scorned! So as we're going over the last conversation she had with bitch-boy, about how he WASN'T the one for her, and the myriad of reasons WHY this was the case, bitch boy threw one back in her face and it totally got me flipped for some reason.
Butterflies. You know, those fluttery, heart palpitating sheepishly giddy uncontrollable butterflies that you get when you are with THE ONE!
My sister told bitch boy he just never gave her the butterflies. Bitch boy in turn replied that eventually, the butterflies go away. They go away? Really? That's news to me! So far after almost ten years, and after all the bullshit D and I have been through I still get all tingly when he brushes up against me in the kitchen trying to reach past me for a glass. I still kick up my heel like in a cheesy love movie when he squeezes the small of my back while giving me a kiss. I still get all excited when I hear his voice on the other end of the phone line. Butterflies are like, the best part of love! And now some bitter bitch boy is making me wonder if they'll go away? NO WAY!!!
So now I'm thinking, are people seriously this disappointed in love? So disappointed that they honestly can sit there and say, YES the butterflies do go away! That's so sad. I mean, I've been in a few relationships where they did eventually go away, but that just reaffirmed to me that those relationships were clearly not meant to be! I suppose I'm lucky. I found my butterfly man YOUNG. Too young by many standards. Got married too young, had a kid too young. You know how that song goes.
I think some people feel like love should not be work. Some feel like it should just be this magical thing that is there and will conquer all no matter what. Pshhh. That's not real people! Love is hard WORK! Like that job you should be doing right now because you're not really getting paid to read blogs all day! Nothing just comes to you! If it did, I'd be a millionaire with huge boobs because I wished it so! IT just explains to me why the divorce rate is so high these days. Divorce is EASY! Marriage is HARD WORK. Granted I know a few people who have worked very hard to make the marriage work and it turns out that divorce for them was not so easy. I also know that in those cases there were no butterflies present!
Maybe this should be a clue to everyone. No butterflies, run screaming! It'll only end in DISASTER!!!
And now, my moment to gloat:
In your face SUCKERS! I still have butterflies! Neener, neener!
If I had a video camera you'd see my violently sticking my tongue out at you and wiggling my fingers to my ears right now.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Forgive me MASTER!
"Mommy, go cut me an apple!"
Como say what now? Who the... What the? Are you frickin kidding me right now? Did my 3 year old just say that? And I'm not strangling her yet?
GO CUT ME AN APPLE?
I'm sorry MASTER, am I not doing things to your LIKING? Forgive ME! I'm just MOMMY!!!
Where on earth did my child learn to be so sassy? Do I even have the right to blame this on preschool or her age or a full moon or something? Or am I just on the edge already with D being gone? It's only been 3 days! I have like 6 more to go before he graces us with his presence and returns from the smoke! I'm pretty sure if Izzy had said this to daddy, she would have likely been on the endangered species list. He would have lost it. I don't get why these kids think they can say whatever they want to their mother? Did I not BIRTH YOU?????
I'm ALL about the manners dang it! Say please and thank you. Don't say "Can you get me..." say "May I have!" Don't talk back to adults, share, don't swear, don't pick your nose, please wipe your butt, flush the toilet, wash your hands, etc. etc. etc! And to think that's just a few of the things that I try to continuously bang into my kids heads on a daily basis! Apparently I'm not BANGING HARD ENOUGH!
Seriously, I'm considering an exorcism or two! One for G, one BIG one for Izzy, and possibly one for myself for good measure. Maybe they'll offer a buy two get the third free or something. Does anyone know where I can get me a priest?
Como say what now? Who the... What the? Are you frickin kidding me right now? Did my 3 year old just say that? And I'm not strangling her yet?
GO CUT ME AN APPLE?
I'm sorry MASTER, am I not doing things to your LIKING? Forgive ME! I'm just MOMMY!!!
Where on earth did my child learn to be so sassy? Do I even have the right to blame this on preschool or her age or a full moon or something? Or am I just on the edge already with D being gone? It's only been 3 days! I have like 6 more to go before he graces us with his presence and returns from the smoke! I'm pretty sure if Izzy had said this to daddy, she would have likely been on the endangered species list. He would have lost it. I don't get why these kids think they can say whatever they want to their mother? Did I not BIRTH YOU?????
I'm ALL about the manners dang it! Say please and thank you. Don't say "Can you get me..." say "May I have!" Don't talk back to adults, share, don't swear, don't pick your nose, please wipe your butt, flush the toilet, wash your hands, etc. etc. etc! And to think that's just a few of the things that I try to continuously bang into my kids heads on a daily basis! Apparently I'm not BANGING HARD ENOUGH!
Seriously, I'm considering an exorcism or two! One for G, one BIG one for Izzy, and possibly one for myself for good measure. Maybe they'll offer a buy two get the third free or something. Does anyone know where I can get me a priest?
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Frick, Ick.
Frick. Ick. FRICK!
Yesterday D's Battalion Chief called to let him know that he'd be going out of county on the OES Sunday.
For all my non-fire friends... this means: The Office Of Emergency Services (OES) is sending my husband and his unit out on a GINORMOUS 10,000+ acre fire that is far far away from his nice little fire house. In the wilderness! Where the fire is OUT OF CONTROL right now and there's no containment in sight.
You know, back in 2001 when we had only G on the weekends and D was working for the wildland fire people, I was still nervous when he got sent out for fires. We weren't married yet, and I was still used to sorta being by myself but I was still a nervous wreck when he was gone. Plus, I did NOT HAVE CHILDREN! I think the longest he was gone on a fire then was 10 days? I honestly don't remember. I remember it sucked, but I survived. The difference this time is he can't be gone for more than 7 days in a row, but still! 7 days!
I'm not gonna lie to ya, right now I'm freaking out. 7 years later I'm supposed to remember how to function without my husband and with 3 kids? I mean I have a hard enough time doing this every week by myself for 48 hours. Don't even get me started on the fact that my husband will be out in the middle of nowhere fighting a raging out of control fire! That's not scary at all! What if something happens to him? I mean, I just watched that Oprah episode with the poor woman who's husband killed himself and left her with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and she hadn't worked in years and only had $72.00 in the bank. Not that I'll be in a situation like that but STILL! ACK!
Poor kids are going to go through daddy withdrawls. Crap, I'm going to go through daddy withdrawls! I knew this day would come. When D was going through the background at work, I remember the investigator asking me SPECIFICALLY how I would feel about him being gone on these nutty strike teams. My answer was something about how I'm used to it and oh I'll be fine!!
Meh. I'm rethinking that answer now.
Frick!
Yesterday D's Battalion Chief called to let him know that he'd be going out of county on the OES Sunday.
For all my non-fire friends... this means: The Office Of Emergency Services (OES) is sending my husband and his unit out on a GINORMOUS 10,000+ acre fire that is far far away from his nice little fire house. In the wilderness! Where the fire is OUT OF CONTROL right now and there's no containment in sight.
You know, back in 2001 when we had only G on the weekends and D was working for the wildland fire people, I was still nervous when he got sent out for fires. We weren't married yet, and I was still used to sorta being by myself but I was still a nervous wreck when he was gone. Plus, I did NOT HAVE CHILDREN! I think the longest he was gone on a fire then was 10 days? I honestly don't remember. I remember it sucked, but I survived. The difference this time is he can't be gone for more than 7 days in a row, but still! 7 days!
I'm not gonna lie to ya, right now I'm freaking out. 7 years later I'm supposed to remember how to function without my husband and with 3 kids? I mean I have a hard enough time doing this every week by myself for 48 hours. Don't even get me started on the fact that my husband will be out in the middle of nowhere fighting a raging out of control fire! That's not scary at all! What if something happens to him? I mean, I just watched that Oprah episode with the poor woman who's husband killed himself and left her with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and she hadn't worked in years and only had $72.00 in the bank. Not that I'll be in a situation like that but STILL! ACK!
Poor kids are going to go through daddy withdrawls. Crap, I'm going to go through daddy withdrawls! I knew this day would come. When D was going through the background at work, I remember the investigator asking me SPECIFICALLY how I would feel about him being gone on these nutty strike teams. My answer was something about how I'm used to it and oh I'll be fine!!
Meh. I'm rethinking that answer now.
Frick!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sensitivity, or lack thereof...
Apparently D is right about one thing about me. He says I really do not have the "sensitive" gene. I think I was born without it. Or maybe I inherited the "insensitivity" gene from someone who shall remain nameless... (cough) MOM! I don't know really how to tread lightly with things. I just frickin dive in and go and I don't give a crap who I splash!
(I'm feeling nostalgic and sappy so apologies in advance for any cheesiness.)
I have two best friends. Well, besides my sister who is my family and my best friend, I have two ACTUAL not related to me by blood best friends. Laura and Blair, and yes those are their actual names! We've been BFFs since we were like 10 years old. No joke. These two probably know more about me than my parents or my husband care to. They are the most wonderful women in the world and I am so unbelievably lucky to be able to call them my friends.
Right now they both live a long drive or a short plane trip away from me. Laura is in SoCal and Blair is living in AZ . At one point they were both in SoCal and made my life very easy in terms of visiting. In fact I think at one point they lived in the same house down there and then the punks decided to part ways and make my life hell! Thanks a lot! :) Bottom line is I'm lazy and I don't see either one of them enough. I need to change that.
So back to my point of the story:
Blair's been dealt a rough blow this year. Besides Laura and me both forgetting her birthday AGAIN (don't ask, we are just total airheads)... she's been dealing with a lot. A couple months ago she was here visiting and we had the chance to meet up and have dinner and drinks at her uncle's house. We hung out for a good while and I left thinking everything was great. Then I didn't hear from her. I kept calling and calling and texting and nothing for those two months and got no response. Finally my last "are you alive" text got a reply. "I'm alive, just busy. Will call soon." Hmmm. Did I do something? Did I piss her off at her uncle's? Did I offend in front of the family? Retracing steps in my head when there was lots of wine involved is never an easy task. Then tonight she finally called and oh yeah my instincts were right. I knew she was pissed at me. Maybe not pissed, but annoyed or irritated or peeved, or some other very bad verb.
So after I got caught up on the latest Blair-current and past events, I got hit with the blow. And it stung. And I now feel like the biggest most insensitive prick on the face of the planet.
B- "Hey so you know it really bothered me that I had to find out from Avery's baptism invitation that Laura was going to be the Godmother."
Me- "Huh? What? I thought I told you when you were here? I'm sure I did?"
B- "Definitely did not mention that. It's ok. It just was hard seeing it on the invitation."
Me- "Oh Blair I am So sorry! So so so so so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I told you. Sorry sorry so very sorry. "
B- "It's ok. I just had to tell you that's partly why I haven't called you back because it bothered me."
I must have said sorry about 100 more times after that. It's not that I'm sorry I didn't choose her to be the Godmother, but that I was such an insensitive prick to not let her know it was Laura.
I have never felt like more of an ass than I do right now. Never once did it cross my mind that it would upset Blair that I chose Laura to be Avery's Godmother. It's not like her to get upset about that kind of stuff usually, but of course not hearing it out of my mouth and seeing it on paper was a bit of a blow to the ego I'm sure. I just never thought that it would offend her, and I didn't even think she would care! What a jerk I am!
I really need to figure out what hairs to pull out of my head to make the sensitivity start flowing!
(I'm feeling nostalgic and sappy so apologies in advance for any cheesiness.)
I have two best friends. Well, besides my sister who is my family and my best friend, I have two ACTUAL not related to me by blood best friends. Laura and Blair, and yes those are their actual names! We've been BFFs since we were like 10 years old. No joke. These two probably know more about me than my parents or my husband care to. They are the most wonderful women in the world and I am so unbelievably lucky to be able to call them my friends.
Right now they both live a long drive or a short plane trip away from me. Laura is in SoCal and Blair is living in AZ . At one point they were both in SoCal and made my life very easy in terms of visiting. In fact I think at one point they lived in the same house down there and then the punks decided to part ways and make my life hell! Thanks a lot! :) Bottom line is I'm lazy and I don't see either one of them enough. I need to change that.
So back to my point of the story:
Blair's been dealt a rough blow this year. Besides Laura and me both forgetting her birthday AGAIN (don't ask, we are just total airheads)... she's been dealing with a lot. A couple months ago she was here visiting and we had the chance to meet up and have dinner and drinks at her uncle's house. We hung out for a good while and I left thinking everything was great. Then I didn't hear from her. I kept calling and calling and texting and nothing for those two months and got no response. Finally my last "are you alive" text got a reply. "I'm alive, just busy. Will call soon." Hmmm. Did I do something? Did I piss her off at her uncle's? Did I offend in front of the family? Retracing steps in my head when there was lots of wine involved is never an easy task. Then tonight she finally called and oh yeah my instincts were right. I knew she was pissed at me. Maybe not pissed, but annoyed or irritated or peeved, or some other very bad verb.
So after I got caught up on the latest Blair-current and past events, I got hit with the blow. And it stung. And I now feel like the biggest most insensitive prick on the face of the planet.
B- "Hey so you know it really bothered me that I had to find out from Avery's baptism invitation that Laura was going to be the Godmother."
Me- "Huh? What? I thought I told you when you were here? I'm sure I did?"
B- "Definitely did not mention that. It's ok. It just was hard seeing it on the invitation."
Me- "Oh Blair I am So sorry! So so so so so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I told you. Sorry sorry so very sorry. "
B- "It's ok. I just had to tell you that's partly why I haven't called you back because it bothered me."
I must have said sorry about 100 more times after that. It's not that I'm sorry I didn't choose her to be the Godmother, but that I was such an insensitive prick to not let her know it was Laura.
I have never felt like more of an ass than I do right now. Never once did it cross my mind that it would upset Blair that I chose Laura to be Avery's Godmother. It's not like her to get upset about that kind of stuff usually, but of course not hearing it out of my mouth and seeing it on paper was a bit of a blow to the ego I'm sure. I just never thought that it would offend her, and I didn't even think she would care! What a jerk I am!
I really need to figure out what hairs to pull out of my head to make the sensitivity start flowing!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Breaking out of my shell!
My dad makes fun of me because I'm afraid of the internet. I still get nervous putting real names and real information about my personal life out in cyberspace. But Papa insists that there is nothing to fear! Not to mention FFP has decided he does NOT want to be FFP on my blog. He say it sounds like an exotic disease or something. So he shall now be D. Just D. And I suppose I shall refer the girls by their names as well while I'm at it.
I know I know... it's ok Aud. Even if they know real names, they won't come find you in real life. It's JUST A BLOG!!!
So we've got D the FFP husband, G the teenager, Izzy the 3 year old and Avery the baby. Oh and me-Audra.
Now please promise not to come looking for me or my family. :)
I know I know... it's ok Aud. Even if they know real names, they won't come find you in real life. It's JUST A BLOG!!!
So we've got D the FFP husband, G the teenager, Izzy the 3 year old and Avery the baby. Oh and me-Audra.
Now please promise not to come looking for me or my family. :)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Best Party favor EVER!
I love my Mexican family. They are seriously awesome. They throw the rockinest (yes I know that's not a real word) parties ever! Even their baby showers ROCK!
My mom's family is Mexican. I mean totally stereotypical- hardcore- Raider loving- Mexicans. Some of them still don't speak English for crying out loud!! On Saturday my mom, myself and the babies went to her cousin's daughter's baby shower. Confused yet? I always forget that at these parties, they go ALL out! Think normal BBQ, but with beans, rice and enough guacamole to feed at least 80 people, plus beer flowing like Niagra Falls and no end in sight to how many people arriving in massive groups. Seriously so thankful they had a huge backyard. It was already in the mid 90s! I did not need to be squished in someone's backyard like a sausage! The music was so loud I was scared to have the baby outside for fear of her becoming deaf! 3 year old thought it was the coolest thing ever! The party was fun and I got to see a lot of my mom's family that I rarely see. I wish I spoke a lick of Spanish, besides what Dora and Diego have taught me!
As we were heading out the door they asked if we got a party favor. 3 year old was so excited of course! Free stuff! Woo hoo! So as I walk over to retrieve a favor I notice a basket. And in this basket. Was. The. Coolest. Party favor. EVER!
Yes that is exactly what it appears to be. A little travel size bottle of tequila! And no doubt it had the words "Reina's Baby Shower" and the date printed on a nice pink ribbon and hot glued to the top. I kid you not! It was AWESOME! I mean someone took the time to hot glue a printed ribbon on a bottle of tequila? And I got to take it home? I think I was more excited than 3 year old! Yippeee!
I immediately took a picture of the basket of tequila goodness and sent it to FFP. His response: I love Mexicans!
Now I know what we'll be giving out our next party. Might not be appropriate at 3 year old's next birthday but eh... the Mexicans will LOVE it! :)
My mom's family is Mexican. I mean totally stereotypical- hardcore- Raider loving- Mexicans. Some of them still don't speak English for crying out loud!! On Saturday my mom, myself and the babies went to her cousin's daughter's baby shower. Confused yet? I always forget that at these parties, they go ALL out! Think normal BBQ, but with beans, rice and enough guacamole to feed at least 80 people, plus beer flowing like Niagra Falls and no end in sight to how many people arriving in massive groups. Seriously so thankful they had a huge backyard. It was already in the mid 90s! I did not need to be squished in someone's backyard like a sausage! The music was so loud I was scared to have the baby outside for fear of her becoming deaf! 3 year old thought it was the coolest thing ever! The party was fun and I got to see a lot of my mom's family that I rarely see. I wish I spoke a lick of Spanish, besides what Dora and Diego have taught me!
As we were heading out the door they asked if we got a party favor. 3 year old was so excited of course! Free stuff! Woo hoo! So as I walk over to retrieve a favor I notice a basket. And in this basket. Was. The. Coolest. Party favor. EVER!
Yes that is exactly what it appears to be. A little travel size bottle of tequila! And no doubt it had the words "Reina's Baby Shower" and the date printed on a nice pink ribbon and hot glued to the top. I kid you not! It was AWESOME! I mean someone took the time to hot glue a printed ribbon on a bottle of tequila? And I got to take it home? I think I was more excited than 3 year old! Yippeee!
I immediately took a picture of the basket of tequila goodness and sent it to FFP. His response: I love Mexicans!
Now I know what we'll be giving out our next party. Might not be appropriate at 3 year old's next birthday but eh... the Mexicans will LOVE it! :)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Flickr fun!
I'm copying this off my friend Kristen. I've never heard of Flickr before... but this looked like fun! The concept is to fill in the questions below and do a search with each answer into flickr. Then you have to pick a picture on the first page to describe your answer. I'm guessing this is some deep dark look into my soul brought to me by pictures or I'm just REALLY bored... :) I love how a ton of the titles of the photos are "not available"... does that tell me something about my soul? hmmmmmmmmmmm. But isn't that THE sexiest picture of JT ever! YUM! I'm not shallow or anything... I SWEAR! It's kinda neat!
- What is your first name? Audra
- What is your favorite food? right now? Pasta
- What high school did you go to? California
- What is your favorite color? yellow
- Who is your celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake
- Favorite drink? Captain Morgan
- Dream vacation? Napa
- Favorite dessert? chocolate chip cookies
- What you wanted to be when you were little? teacher
- What do you love most in life? everything!
- One Word to describe you. Special
- Your flickr name. acdc
1. If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom., 2. SouthWest Chicken Pasta Salad, 3. Not available, 4. Yellow Beauty, 5. Justin Timberlake, 6. Not available, 7. Napa grapes, 8. Not available, 9. Still Life For Teacher, 10. very happy everything., 11. I'm a Special PERSON ..!12. Not available
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Get sick much?
Yeah. That was me. I was THAT girl. The super intoxicated, loud, obnoxious, oblivious, moron on Friday night. I mean, I WAS HILARIOUS! FFP said I was the hit of the party. Too bad I don't remember much after the second bar.
It got me thinking. I'm WAY too old to be acting like a 21 year old idiot. I mean, I could NOT stop myself! Maybe it was the people we were with, or the fact that I haven't been out drinking in two months. It was the first time I had gone to a bar with my sister in law. Maybe I was trying to be cool! Maybe it was the fact that I was a little uncomfortable with the crowd of wives of the guys I went to highschool with. They all flock together and I'm the one that comes out with their husbands. I TRIED to be nice, but drunk nice... well you know how that goes. They were all talking under their breath after I came over to give a big group hug in my drunken stupor. I was awesome!
And most likely I was the talk of their Saturday morning! Their husbands all rolling their eyes like, yep, that's Audra for ya! She's a hoot!
I got a lot of "How are you feeling" texts Saturday morning. And I got "Everyone loved your presence last night!" Yeah, everyone loved the free drunk entertainment known as Audra the vodka cranberry girl! I was SPECIAL!!!
I threw up. In a planter box. I'm 28 years old! WTH was I doing???? I have never gotten sick from drinking IN MY LIFE! It was so not cool waking up on the floor at 4AM to try to crawl in my bed. FFP tried to get me up but I apparently told him that I wanted to sleep with my friend, the toilet! I vowed to FFP that if he ever let me drink that much again, I'd kill him! He said I was so awesome he didn't want me to stop. OK, after the two shots of patron mixed with the vodka... a man has to step in and cut off the wife! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
A few good points of the evening:
1. I got to see a totally different side of sis-in-law. Man she was awesome! It was one of those bonding moments... inhibited by alcohol! Thanks Vodka for making that happen!
2. I got to see my Nick! I miss that guy, and I'm going to miss his butt when he's in Denver. Good luck buddy. I love you!!
I promise I will never, ever, ever, EVER drink like that again.... at least I'll try really really hard!
It got me thinking. I'm WAY too old to be acting like a 21 year old idiot. I mean, I could NOT stop myself! Maybe it was the people we were with, or the fact that I haven't been out drinking in two months. It was the first time I had gone to a bar with my sister in law. Maybe I was trying to be cool! Maybe it was the fact that I was a little uncomfortable with the crowd of wives of the guys I went to highschool with. They all flock together and I'm the one that comes out with their husbands. I TRIED to be nice, but drunk nice... well you know how that goes. They were all talking under their breath after I came over to give a big group hug in my drunken stupor. I was awesome!
And most likely I was the talk of their Saturday morning! Their husbands all rolling their eyes like, yep, that's Audra for ya! She's a hoot!
I got a lot of "How are you feeling" texts Saturday morning. And I got "Everyone loved your presence last night!" Yeah, everyone loved the free drunk entertainment known as Audra the vodka cranberry girl! I was SPECIAL!!!
I threw up. In a planter box. I'm 28 years old! WTH was I doing???? I have never gotten sick from drinking IN MY LIFE! It was so not cool waking up on the floor at 4AM to try to crawl in my bed. FFP tried to get me up but I apparently told him that I wanted to sleep with my friend, the toilet! I vowed to FFP that if he ever let me drink that much again, I'd kill him! He said I was so awesome he didn't want me to stop. OK, after the two shots of patron mixed with the vodka... a man has to step in and cut off the wife! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
A few good points of the evening:
1. I got to see a totally different side of sis-in-law. Man she was awesome! It was one of those bonding moments... inhibited by alcohol! Thanks Vodka for making that happen!
2. I got to see my Nick! I miss that guy, and I'm going to miss his butt when he's in Denver. Good luck buddy. I love you!!
I promise I will never, ever, ever, EVER drink like that again.... at least I'll try really really hard!
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